Into The Night

My first experience from the past blog indicates that my mother didn't see this "apparition" that was in the same room as us. After growing up I have since learned why my mother might not have been able to see this man. A man who in my eyes was standing before us plain as day, until she turned the lights on of course. I am not going to go into religion or anything, but a simpler way to explain it might be to give a comparison. We all know that dogs and other animals can sense things that humans can't. "Did you know that dogs and bees can smell fear?" <--movie quote... Yeah funny, I know what you are thinking, you think that I am closely related to dogs..ha ha!

After that first traumatizing night, I felt as if the light was going to save me from these beings. This was not the case. There were a few times that I had these experiences with the lights on, but they were much fewer than those nights when I wasn't able to have light. My mother can probably remember a bunch of times that I awoke her in the middle of the night by screaming. I wonder if she can ever remember seeing my eyes? Sure she could probably see the terror in them, but had she ever noticed something else? Numerous times when having these nightmares I hadn't been sleeping at all previous to the encounter! Many nights I just lied there in bed not making any noise at all, because I didn't want anyone/anything to know I was there. I also never made any noise because I wanted to be able to hear where these beings were located. Sure my mom probably saw the terror in my eyes but did she ever notice how awake and alert I was? I wonder if she can remember ever thinking "hey, this kid wasn't asleep" or "he for sure doesn't look like he has sleep in his eyes"? I was always told by adults that it was in my mind. It was just my imagination. The things I was seeing weren't real. I remember staying at my grandpa and grandma Goodwin's one night. I think I was probably 6 or 7 years old. I was sleeping on the couch and I had already snuck up and turned on a light. The light must have been noticed by my grandfather because he confronted me about it. I remember him being so angry that I was afraid of the dark. I remember his exact words he used in his obvious rage,"Nonsense"! There were many nights that my mom was awoken by my screaming. There were more nights that she never knew about because I felt like there was something wrong with me, so I was able to hold in the terror night after night. This next night was when I realized that it wasn't just my imagination.

I was probably no older than 7 years of age when I had this experience. I don't know if we were living with my uncle in my grandma's house or if I was just staying there on this night? Regardless, I was alone in a bed in the back room. I was able to have the light on in this room because it was one of them dimmer kind of light switches. I had the light on just enough that it didn't get noticed. Thus I felt safe and was probably going to have a good nights rest. I remember waking up hearing my dog growling. I honestly don't remember how I managed to keep my eyes shut, but I was able to hide the fact that I was awake. In between the growls from my dog (who was a small Pomeranian, so any protection she felt she could provide wasn't going to be hardly any) I could hear this being beside the bed right next to my dog! There was a raspy heavy breathing coming from this being/creature that was right beside the bed. This thing that was in the room had to be no taller than 4 feet. Unless it was hunched down, because the sound escaping from it wasn't from up high. It sounded honestly as if it were just taller than the bed itself. The bedroom door was shut and my dog wasn't growling loudly enough to wake anyone. I remember lying there motionless just wanting to pull the covers over my head. Suddenly someone from another room had awakened. I heard a door from another room open! At that very moment I heard this being turn it's head toward the door. It had made a "huh" sound acknowledging that it too had heard this. I didn't scream for whomever had woken, but I did find the courage to hurry and pull the covers over my exposed head. This is when I heard the being turn toward me with the same "huh" gasp. Nobody entered my room from another, it was someone waking up to use the restroom. My dog shortly stopped growling and I was able to peek out from under the covers. The door never opened so I don't know why I was peering out, maybe because my dog had stopped growling? I scanned the room and saw nothing/nobody else in the room except Refer and me. Yes my dog's name was refer. The closet had no door on it and I could see there was nobody in there. The door to the room didn't have a door knob, but it was apparent when opening or shutting this door. At the time I imagined the creature escaping through the hole in the door where the knob was supposed to be. I didn't tell anyone about what happened the next day because I had known by then that they wouldn't believe me.

I think that this last story was the last time that I ever screamed from being in such terror. I was probably ten years old. My mom was at work, it was a Thursday night. I remember what day of the week it was because every Thursday my uncle babysat me. My mom would pick me up at the end of her shift and we would go home. My uncle Donald was asleep on the couch that was at a right angle across the room from the couch that I was lying on. I say lying, because never on this night did I fall asleep before my mom arrived. I believe the television or the hall light was on so I was happy and felt extra safe with my uncle being in the same room. The couch I was laying on was length wise as the front door was opened. Thus if you were to walk through the front door you would walk right into the side of the couch. It was probably about 5 feet from the door itself, but the picture should be easy to see. My aunt had this siamese cat named Charlie. He was the weirdest cat. If you allowed him to lay on you with a blanket in between the two of you he would kneed while sucking on the blanket? On this particular night that is exactly what he was doing. I was petting the cat while he was kneading and sucking on the blanket. It was an old blanket, not a quilt, that had a million fuzzballs. His favorite! He was having a hay day sucking on the fuzz of this blanket while I scratched his ears and petted him. I was laying on my back with my feet away from the front door, thus I couldn't see the front door. Charlie who was on my stomach was able to see the front door no problem. The front door never opened, but for some reason Charlie stopped kneading and his eyes widened. I stopped petting him as his eyes grew more black and I could see something was scaring him. He tore a few holes in my stomach as leaped over the back of the couch and ran down the hallway. At this moment of course I can sense what in my mind is evil just above my head out of my view. I lay there motionless. Again, the front door never opened. I then hear a deep heavy breathing from a being that is standing in between the couch and the front door. I force myself deep into the couch as I start screaming. In that one sinking/screaming motion I tried to catch a glimpse the best as I could by arching my back and looking up, but nothing. I awake my uncle who was lying on the couch next to mine, of course he saw nothing. My aunt too stumbles in from the back room to see what was going on. I think that was the last time I ever screamed from a nightmare because I knew that nobody but me was able to see or hear these beings.

The actual moment when these things happened to me filled me with such fear. It felt as if my body was being flushed with an intense and instant heat. I imagine that it was adrenaline entering my blood at such a rate and amount that I could actually feel it.

I am sharing these stories because Toni (my cousin's wife) was talking to me about sleep disorders while they were visiting. I guess she has actually been tested for some sleep disorders and actually has one. We didn't talk long, because she received a phone call, but I could sense she doubted whether I had actually seen these things or not. She says that they were just hallucinations, I hadn't shared these stories with her because the talk was cut off, but I informed her that I know the difference between real and not! At this time in my life I have sleep paralysis like I mentioned in the previous blog. It causes hallucinations, and she believes I have a sleeping disorder. I don't doubt that I do in fact have a sleeping disorder, but there are nights when this paralysis has such an overwhelming evil presence that I believe it is these beings from my past still haunting me. I believe that I have matured past the point of seeing these apparitions, but they know that I am still vulnerable at certain times. So, unless I have the ability to project these hallucinations in such a way that they can be seen by dogs and cats, how can you explain these beings are in fact just that "hallucinations"?

Real or Not?

Growing up as a child I was afraid of the dark. I would remember waiting for everyone to fall asleep so that I could sneak up and turn on a light. That act alone caused me a lot of trouble growing up. Even forced me to receive an electric shock one night. I remember sneaking into the kitchen and finding a lamp. I must have been around the age of ten at this time. I didn't want to turn on the main kitchen light because it would wake someone for sure. I found a lamp on the washing machine and discovered that it wasn't plugged in. A tip for anyone reading, don't try to plug in a lamp when it is pitch black! I did in fact shock myself and don't remember for sure, but I think I gave up on the lamp or source of light for that given night.

I was not always afraid of the dark. I remember finding comfort in light of course at night, but nothing too serious. My uncle Henry used to live with us on a street over by Winco. I don't remember but three or four memories from this time because again I was probably only 4 years old. At night, when I was supposed to be asleep in the darkness, I would hide under my blankets. At this time in my life I never had any experiences that would have caused me to be afraid of the dark, I think it was just the natural instinct? I would hide my face under the blankets and wait for the space heater to kick on, which gave off light, then retreat back under the covers when it shut off. This would repeat itself until I must have fallen asleep each night. One night I remember the heater kicking on and I removed my hidden face from under the covers. Well, the space heater then shut off and I couldn't find the edge of the blanket! This of course enable me to hide under the covers correctly. I was scared, but not enough to scream from the panic I was experiencing. I then felt something on my hand as if someone had laid their hand softly upon mine. I glance over to the left into the pure darkness of the room and next thing I knew it was morning. I must have blocked out anything that happened after that, or my guess is that I simply fainted? After pondering this event throughout my life, I have come to the conclusion that the blanket itself was what probably fell upon my hand ever so softly! I imagine during the course of shuffling to find the edge of the blanket that I caused the blanket to lift and hover enough to slowly fall upon my hand. This was my first memory of something happening to me in the dark. Not too bad, and probably my own fault.

This next memory wasn't my imagination. Since this particular night I was probably never the same again. I am still haunted by this nights events. I have sleep paralysis and other such sleeping disorders to this time, which I can only imagine stem from this night. We lived in a trailer court on the outskirts of town. My uncle Henry must have lived with us again for a short time or we simply had possession of his water bed. Anyway, I wasn't able to sleep in my own room because he was claiming back his water bed, because he was moving out. Thus my room didn't have a bed or must have stunk a little from moving his bed? I can't remember. Either way I was forced to sleep in my parent's room with my mom. My dad was at work and I was alone in the trailer with my mom. My mom and dad must have been on different work schedules which caused one of them if not both to sleep during the day. The importance of that little fact is important because in my mom's room there was cardboard or something blocking any outside light, so that they could sleep during the day. Of course it is night time at this juncture, but any light that invaded the darkness in my room wasn't going to be able to penetrate into my mom's room. Until this night, I really don't remember being afraid of the dark at all. Sure the memory above might indicate otherwise, but like I said it was simply instinct. Until this night any fear that I might have had was not warranted. After this night, needing a light on during the night became an addiction.

I remember being asleep in the same bed as my mom on this night. I was probably five years old. I awoke in the middle of the night and I was facing the same way my mom was. I remember turning over so that I was facing the other side of the bed. I was facing the closet as well, and of course there was room in between the bed and the closet. I opened my eyes in the darkness and saw a man standing on the side of the bed! It was pitch black why was I able to see a man in the room standing beside the bed? He was looking down upon me and I of course started screaming. It wasn't in the movies as if he was a ghost or anything like that, but he did have the faintest glow. Nothing that illuminated the room or anything around his being. It was as if the features of him as a person had the glow. This glow was seen only enough to see him in the pitch black. My screaming of course rips my mom from her sleep. I can't imagine her sense of despair/panic? I remember her picking me up off the bed and carrying me with her to turn the light on. The worst part about this is that the light and door to the room are located on the side of the bed that the man is on. Thus he would be able to intercept us on our way to the door. My mom picks me up in a way that I am able to see behind her over her left shoulder. She is rushing to the door and rounds the corner of the bed when I notice that the man is now behind us on the opposite side of the room! He is now following us and I am forced to stare at him as my mom runs to the door of the room. She flips the light on to hopefully find out what is forcing me to scream in such a way. The man who was right on her heels in the darkness disappeared as soon as the light was turned on! To this day my mom says that she never saw anything that night!
This might make one to believe that it was just a dream that I had, or simply an overactive imagination of a young boy. In a couple or one more story about nightmares, I will hopefully prove why this isn't true. I will prove why it was a real occurrence and not just a figment of my imagination!

Come and Gone

Brandon and his wife Toni were able to visit us while he was on short break from a tour in Iraq. He has to go back for at least 4 more months. It was the first time that we were able to meet his beautiful and charming wife Toni. It was also the first time that he has been able to see Triton. Toni was a riot, she has a great sense of humor. She is a nosey parker though! She has terrific hearing and uses it to her advantage. She was able to understand my sense of humor and wasn't too offended? If she was she didn't let me know, she probably let Brandon have it after they departed? If I offended you in any way Toni, I am sorry. It is kind of weird how different they are from each other. I feel that she is kind of outgoing where Brandon is quiet. I guess that Sheri and I are different in many ways as well, so that is probably what holds us together. Hopefully that will also be an advantage for Brandon and Toni as well. I mean who would want to marry themselves?

Brandon loved Triton as I knew he would and Triton warmed up to Brandon much quicker than I thought. As you can see in the pictures there is no sort of hesitation by Triton to let Brandon hug and be around him. This was just after two days of being around him too. There are still people who Triton doesn't like to be around after seeing them since birth, so I was grateful that he let Brandon in. Brandon is he type of person who might take if to heart if Triton didn't like him. So, thank you Triton for realizing that Brandon is a good guy.

We can all be grateful for Brandon for what he has done for his country. He has served what will be close to 3 years overseas protecting our country. He has served in tours in both Iraq and Afghanistan. Thank you so much Brandon for not only being an example to everyone, but for also being a friend as well as a cousin.

Brandon is a bit discouraged that the Goodwin side of the family is so distant from each other. Grandma Goodwin had three children all boys. My father (Chris) Brandon's father (Paul) and Phil. Phil and grandma had a falling out many years ago and haven't spoken forever. Paul lives in Utah and only visits from time to time, but isn't as estranged as Phil. Until recently I haven't been the greatest of grandchildren, because before Triton was born I would only visit grandma on the odd chance that Brandon had leave from the Marines. I am still no great grandson as of now, but Triton and I have visited her more and more.

On this visit there was family drama, nothing too serious, but there were things that hurt Brandon while he was here. Uncle Phil and Paul were in a little drunken skirmish, but were able to makeup. I would like to think that I was a little bit of a remedy in that battle. After playing pool/darts at a local bar the booze must have gotten to them and there was an argument. They were toe to toe when I made the remark that they were being foolish for doing this while Brandon was here. Everyone was taken home by Toni and myself, since we were the only one's who weren't drinking, and everything was fine at the barbecue the following day. I am not sure if my remark helped in defusing the situation, but I would like to think that it helped. However
my remark might have caused Brandon to be saddened, because he told my dad and I afterward that he hates how the family only comes together when he is here.
He hates that Phil and Grandma never talk and probably won't resolve their pent up issues. Grandma wasn't at the barbecue simply because Phil was there (I guess)? Phil did show up and for that I am proud of him. Even though they are on their separate paths that might never cross again, he swallowed any pride, aggression or anger for Brandon. He was the bigger person on this day. It is sad that we make Brandon feel this way, but we were much closer this time than I believe we ever have been. Both Brandon and my dad are grateful that Triton and I visit grandma from time to time. I feel bad that I haven't visited her in the past, but I am very glad that she is able to see her great grandchild. We all wish that uncle Phil and grandma would have a talk, but even if that never happens I will never look down upon either of them. I love them both and wish them happiness throughout the remainder of their lives. As long as they are going
to be okay with the conclusion of the way things are after this life then what does it matter?
It was so mice to meet you Toni. Keep Brandon happy and stay on his rear end about stopping the smoking. Brandon stay safe and don't try to be a hero over there unless the situation calls for it. You might get shot in the buttocks like Forrest Gump if you try to save everyone! I love you Brandon. You know that you are more like a brother to me than a cousin.

One Week Later

Movie quote from last blog post is from Aladdin by the way. Genie responds with that after hearing Aladdin tell him that he would wish him free after using his first two wishes.

Last Saturday the 19th, Henry and I had gone golfing at Sage Lakes. I had mentioned that he and I have no other side bets this year, just the dime a hole for the skins game. Well, I guess there is another bet I forgot to mention because of it's unlikeliness to happen very often. This bet being $5.00 per eagle if we are to in fact able to do succeed in such a task. He and I have never eagled a hole except for one time, he attained the score of eagle on a par 5 at Sand Creek

at the end of last year.

Henry had been golfing pretty bad up until this week, he had gone a couple of times on Friday and figured something out. I wasn't too worried and figured he still wouldn't be able to beat me. Boy was I wrong! I won the first hole, we tied the second hole so that dime is carried over to the next hole. Well, he putts in a birdie from like 40 feet from just off the green. Birdies count as double, not just for that given hole, but also any carried over from the previous. Thus he wins .40 on that one hole. That is fine, stuff like that happens from time to time. I had done the same thing to him like a week before. The next hole is where this day's events really starts. He hits a drive on number 4 and has about 110 yards left. I drove it inside of him, walk up to my ball to watch his next shot. He was off to the right of me. He hits a decent shot just left of the green and a bit short. Watching his ball in the air I figured he might be able to two putt and get par. Out of nowhere his ball takes a crazy bounce the opposite way it was headed, bounces a couple of more times, then eventually takes a dive into the hole. He scores an eagle, and I am down $5.60 on 4 holes. The skin itself is only worth .20, but the eagle is an extra $5.00. The day wears on and that is all he was able to muster from me as far as skins. He birdied another hole and won some skins, I birdied one hole and tied for the other skins. So, I lose the $5.60 on the day. His best score for 18 holes of golf previous to this day was an 8 over 78. My best score was (at the same course) 7 over 77. He ended up scoring a 76 and the best round between us! I didn't mind losing the money on the day, but to lose the best round score between us? That sucked. I was actually happy for him and I was a much better sport about the days events than I would have been last year. Why was I a better sport? Well, because I am golfing better this year and figured that I would win the money back and (hopefully) the best round before the end of the year. Good for you Henry!

That brings us to this last Friday. I was able to get in a nap before having to bowl our last night of league night for this year. We ended up taking first place on that league which of course we were all happy about. I go to work after bowling then we are set to golf at 9:15 the next morning. I was wicked tired from no sleep, but I love to golf and hadn't been for a week, so I still went of course. Our tee time was also pushed back to 9:45 because of frost. I par the first three holes, bogey the next two, par, bogey to be three over par after 7 holes. We arrive at the tee box on 8 which is a par 4. I hit a pretty good drive right down the middle of the fairway. Henry is up one skin and we have two carry overs up to this point. Henry hit his drive to the right behind some trees and was forced to pitch back out into the fairway. I knew if I didn't do anything stupid that I should win this hole and be ahead for skins. I had 140 to the pin and decided on 9 iron. Pin in the middle. I setup and told myself to clear my left side so the ball would travel the distance it was supposed to. I hadn't been clearing and was losing yardage all day. I hit the ball, and watching it in the air I knew that I wouldn't lose the hole. The ball was going directly at the pin. The ball never landed on the green! Barbara then says that the ball went in? I never heard a noise and the wind wasn't blowing hardly at all, so I just assumed that I hit the ball too far and it was over the green. I figured it was going to land on the green, but maybe I got a hold of it and it carried the green. The other three finally get to the green area and are still insisting that the ball is in the hole. I walk my bag to the side of the green and start toward the hole, just to check. I can see the edge of the hole as I am walking up and no sign of a ball maybe hitting directly at the cup and tearing up the hole a bit, so I still don't think that the ball is in the hole. I pear in and don't see it, but can only see the far edge, I lean over a bit more and the ball is in the hole! I score and eagle! $5.00 back to me. I honestly didn't think the ball was going to be in the hole, but of course I was hoping. The ball never made any noise, didn't tear up the edge of the cup, but dove directly in the hole and didn't bounce out! All three things just seemed to be a little too weird to find the ball in the cup! I was one over after 8 holes with that lucky eagle and off to my best round at Sand Creek ever. Which was kinda weird in it's own right because I had mentioned to Henry the week before that I only golf good at Sage Lakes. I have never scored anything close to decent at Sand Creek and for sure not Pinecrest. I bogeyed 9 which was pretty dumb, but was very pleased with a 38 (2 over par) on the front nonetheless.

Number 10 at Sand Creek is the hardest hole on the course. Trees left and right and it is en extremely long par 4. I hit my drive left and figured to be behind trees, it wasn't and my second shot was short left. I chipped up and drained an 8 footer for par. Yeah, I parred the toughest hole on the course. This is when I started to think about beating Henry's previous weeks best round ever of 6 over par. Hole 11 is a par 5 that is pretty easy to par. I hit my longest drive ever on the hole and hit my second shot on the green. I was putting for an eagle. I misread that putt, but knocked in a two footer for birdie. I was one over after 11 holes, my best start ever and it wasn't at Sage Lakes? I parred the next three holes and had a 15 footer for birdie on 15, but I three putted! Earlier before our first hole I was on the putting green and for some reason I couldn't get the speed down for putts that exact length? I hadn't thought about it until after hitting the first putt about 4 feet past the hole. Yikes, I am way fatigued by now and I have to hold it together for three more holes. I am two over with three holes to play. I should have the best round ever in the bag. I bogey the next hole after missing the green right. My drive on 17 goes right into the trees! I was able to barely have a swing and was able to muscle up a shot just short of the green. Chipped up and putted in another 8 footer for par. 3 over and one hole to go. As long as I did not get an 8 on the longest hole in the city I would beat Henry for best all round score. My swing had turned to crap and I wasn't comfortable at all. I was reverting back to my old swing for the last three holes and I knew that if anything went wrong an triple bogey 8 wouldn't be that far fetched. I hit my drive perfect, one shot down. Henry was about 20 yards behind me and mis-hit his three wood and had about 150 left to the green. I am for sure not comfortable with woods as you may have read from previous blogs, so I played it safe with a 4 iron. I hit it pretty chunky and ended up directly in front of Henry middle of the fairway. I had about 140 in, uphill and played an 8 iron. I bladed it, but it ran up on the green about 35 feet from the pin. I had a birdie putt and the best round ever. I shorted the birdie, missed the par putt left and shot a 4 over 76. Par for the course at Sand Creek is a 72, whereas par for Sage is a 70. Walking off the course with Barbara, Henry had already driven off to their vehicle in the golf kart, I inform Barbara that I just beat Henry for the best round ever. I wasn't too sure if I added everything correctly and knew Henry would have it added up by the time I got to the car. I was loading up when he asks "76, Jason"? I say if I added correctly that is what I came up with. Barbara chimes in with her question towards Henry at this point "Isn't that what you shot last week"? Henry confirms that our scores were indeed the same. Of course I let him know that his score was a 6 over par, and mine was a 4 over par, thus beating his best round by 2. I figured I would beat his best round ever, but I had no idea that I would better it the very next time out. I figured that I would win the $5.00 back. I didn't figure it to be by holing out on a par 4. I made $5.90 on the day, even though he tied my birdie by slopping in a birdie on the same hole. Thus, there wasn't double pay out for skins on that hole. It was a good week for him and a better following week for me! Congrats Henry, and sorry you couldn't bask in the glory of having the best round ever for more than a week!

Short Weekend

Today is my Friday for this week as I have a rotating schedule. I usually have 5 days off during this rotation, but I agreed to work this weekend for the other person who shares the same shift. I only have two days off this time, come back to work Friday and Saturday night, then I am off for another two nights. Poor me huh? I then work another three days after that, then my 5 days off is back on.
How is my mom doing? I have no clue, she won't call me, hint hint mom! The last I had heard was that she was going in for another biopsy in her other breast. Doctor's were concerned about a group of cells that showed in some scan and wanted to make sure it too wasn't cancerous. This was the Friday before last. They sent her on her way and afterwards she was going to have her third chemo installment. I guess her white cell count was too low so she wasn't going to be able to have chemo, upon getting ready to leave she notices that she is bleeding from her biopsy incision. Not a little, but a ton. I guess they didn't stitch her up properly or something and she ended up losing a lot of blood. I guess it was an amount that was just above needing a transfusion! Yet another great example of how our overpriced medical treatment is in this country! She of course doesn't blame the doctor's who stitched her up because they couldn't apply a certain kind of tape to the wound because it affects her skin, also she says that she might have been overdoing it? Well, it wasn't like you were doing aerobics mom, so it wasn't your fault. Okay enough of poor medical treatment before I completely blow up again. I guess she went home afterward and felt horrible and almost fainted a few times. Hmm... would it have been a bad thing to give her a transfusion if her blood was that low? Okay I really have to stop. I am guessing that she had her third chemo session this last Friday? I haven't heard from her, so I will try to hopefully get a hold of her today.
I have a few monthly goals as far as online poker is concerned. The last six months of the year is very unlikely and lofty, but the first six months isn't too bad. I was hoping to make a certain amount every month. The first two months I was hoping to make the same certain amount, then the next two months double that amount each month. Example; if I had made $5.00 in January and February, I would want to make $10.00 in both March and April. So on, and so on. Well, I have another goal to simply raise each website up $10.00 at a time. This latter goal is a much simpler goal, that will enable me to not try so hard. If a person tries too hard to win at poker he or she will most likely lose. Expecting too much too fast in any sport or game can cause a downfall, but probably more so in poker. This all brings us to this last week in online poker excursions.
I really hadn't played hardly at all this month, a little on Fulltilt to capitalize on a promotion they had going on. It earned me another $5 to play two tables at a time for like a half hour a day. I had to play 5 of the 10 days to earn $5. If you were to play all ten days straight they would give you $25 instead of only $5. I lost the chance to make the extra $20 because of the stupid state bowling championships. During the little 5 days of playing for about a half hour a day I made about $8 or so then they gave me the extra $5. So it was nice to profit from trying to take advantage of the promotion. My uncle Phil was able to get his 10 days straight in and earn himself the full $25, good for you Phil. This was basically all I played for this month until this last week. Every site was over $50 except for the dreaded Pokerstars. I used to hate Fulltilt the worst, but as of right now it has to be Pokerstars. I had a little over $44 dollars and wanted to get it up to $50 so I could play the other, much nicer sites. I played for 4 hours on the first day where I was down to almost $40 before making a small profit on the day, raising it up to $46. It was a discouraging day despite making a profit because of a few hands where people hit a couple of miracles on me. I played the very next day hoping that Pokerstars wouldn't allow the same miracles to happen against me. Well, it was way worse than the day before. I again dropped down to just above $40 and decided to call it quits after another 4 hours of play losing just under $3. Played again the next day lost about 70 cents before the internet decided to go down. How horrible of luck can I have? I play for over 8 hours and lose, only to have my internet go down? It could have been a blessing in disguise, because who knows I might have lost more had the internet not gone down. The other night I decided to play for a bit, in less than an hour I made $6 and called it quits while I was ahead. I could have made probably double that had I not been so skiddish from the two sessions previous. I played a few hands way too cautiously and only made the minimum from them. Had Pokerstars not treated me so badly the days previous I would have made maximum, but all is well I ended the day at about $47. Once I am close to getting to a decade mark it is easier for me to sum up the gumption to play. I only needed to win a little over $2 and I would be at $50. I waited an extra day to play again because I was tired and you never want to gamble when tired. Played for about 50 minutes and won almost $2.00 and decided to quit before Pokerstars pulled a fast one on me. As I have mentioned in the past, Pokerstars has been the only site that I have lost money on. I am currently making profit on Pokerstars again as of passing the $35 mark. If you were to think about it, how can I be a loser on one site? I have made over $2,000 on one site (Doylesroom), only made small profits on two others and lost on Pokerstars? I guess I am just lucky on one website huh? Get this though, I have probably over the last 5 or 6 years played twice as much on the other three sites than I have on Doylesroom. Like I have said in the past, online poker is rigged. It can still be beat, but I wouldn't put any of my own money back into the game. I play for 18 minutes on Pokerstars last night and finally, finally leaped over the $50.00 mark. Each site is now over %0 dollars. I might reach this months (monthly) goal, but unless I can spark up the desire to play more, the next two months and months following will come up way short. If I were to have that simple goal starting from $5 for January and February as mentioned above, I would still have to make $160 in both November and December which would give me a profit on the year of $630. That isn't bad at all, and I would be happy with that as a year ending result. My goal is only a bit higher, but cashing out is the worst temptation. It is just so hard to not cash out and buy a new bowling ball, or a birthday present for the wife or something at all. Once you have a little extra money you can always think of something to buy. The thing is that since all of my money isn't on just one website like in the past it is going to be harder for me to cash out. I don't really want to subscribe to another online bank website like Neteller again, because in the past they have tried to rip Sheri and I off. In the past Neteller had allowed something to go wrong and someone was able to take $900 from our account if I remember correctly, which was basically everything we had. Our bank was way nice and refunded our money and as it turns out Neteller actually lost
out on that money. Good thing too, because even after researching and finding out who hacked into our account they still never refunded the money. After cancelling Neteller and having nowhere for my profit to be transferred to, I was having to order a check from the website itself. This is fine but costs $10 per check. Thus if I were to cash out $100 it would cost me $110. I have over $200 online right now, each site is only at $50. Each site has a minimal amount of $50 to order a check, so I don't even have enough to order a check to be delivered because of the additional $10 charge to process a check. If I were to have all of my $200 on one site it would be tempting for me to cash out most of it and have that money in my pocket right now! That is the main reason why I don't feel that I would be able to reach the double profit every two months goal because money is money to me. The great poker players who are pros have all said that they don't think of it as money. There are millionaire kids online right now who earned their money from online poker, and I have no doubt that I am ten times better than they were when they first started playing. They were just able to turn off the (it's money) switch that I probably will never be able to.
I took Triton to the park yesterday to play on the toys. We were in the back yard on the trampoline and I decided he might have more fun at the park. It wasn't too busy when we arrived, but 45 minutes later it was pretty hectic. He is a crazy boy. I help him on on the toy the first time after he checks everything out from the ground. He couldn't find a place to get up because he of course walks to the biggest part of the playground equipment. He then goes down the steepest slide in the whole park. There are five different slides on this on toy and he slips down the steepest one. He finds a place that he thinks he can climb up after that. This being a plastic cargo net that is about 4 feet high and probably 90 degree incline the last couple of steps. I help him up and he goes down the tallest slide in the park, it is the corkscrew kind, but regardless he is fearless. He treks back to the cargo net and tries to climb up again, this time he
climbs a bit higher before he decides I can help him. I climb up with him this time to get a different camera angle and he heads for the cork screw slide again. He descends and heads for the cargo net again. I didn't really want to slide down the slide so I video him from the platform
above him as he walked toward the cargo net. He starts climbing as soon as he touches it, so I hurry down some other opening to help him. I make it down just in time to see him making his last push to the top of the cargo net. He catches on quick and doesn't slow down for anything once he has completed a certain task. Maybe that is why he walked at an early age? I guess as soon as he succeeds at a task the past failures exit his thought process. He slid down another steep slide and up the cargo net he went. I stood behind him in case he did slip, but up and away he went. I pushed him in a swing for a few minutes before we took a walk and I decided to leave. He was none too happy about leaving. He doesn't like ending an activity on anyone Else's time but his own.
On the days that I have had to work, I have been giving him a nap in the morning from 10:30 to 1:30 anywhere in there. Then Sheri returns home from work and I go to sleep from 5:00pm to almost 11:00 when I go to work. Thus, I get a short nap when Triton naps, then I get another short sleep before work and this is how it is during the weeks that I have to work. It wears on me and I am drained by the end of my work week. Well, this last week I have discovered that Triton will stay awake as long as possible. The day before yesterday he stayed awake until 2:00 and I put him down for a nap at 2:30 and I was able to basically sleep 7 and a half hours. I didn't sleep that long, but I could have. Yesterday I tried it again. I could see that he was getting pretty tired around 1:30, but he was okay as long as we were doing something together. I had not eaten so I had some chips and salsa so that woke him up enough before laying him down at 2:15. So, I might have discovered a way to give myself more sleep on the days that I have to work and therefore won't be drained so much at the end of my work week? Who knows? Here's to hopin' <--- movie quote quiz? Hint, it's an animated movie!

Sports

The NBA playoffs have begun and I love to watch basketball. Favorite team is the Jazz of course, but pro basketball all around is a blast to watch. Utah doesn't have a chance to beat the Lakers in round one, but they should squeeze out a game or two. Lakers aren't really that great this year, it is just the Jazz have no big men in the center to protect or rebound against Pau Gasol or Andrew Bynum. It doesn't matter anyway, I don't think that the west is going to take the championship. I just don't think that the Lakers have the over the top package to take down the Cleveland Cavaliers. Lebron James should capture his first MVP of the league this year, which is kind of funny if you think that Kobe Bryant just took his first after how many years in the league? Kobe is a great player and always has been, but once he grew up and didn't try to prove he was the best was when he was finally awarded the MVP honors.
This is true in any sport. The day that any great or even mediocre player drops the chip from on top of his or her shoulder is the day they grow. It is that day when everything will fall into place. If you were to watch golf, you would know of Sergio Garcia. You would know that he is a great player, a great player who will never win more than one or two majors in his lifetime. Why? The chip on his shoulder, he is always blaming someone, something or anything else for not winning. The day, if it were to ever happen, he stops whining and just plays the game and let's the game come to him is the day he breaks out of being a whiny wuss.
I used to be like Sergio when it came to bowling. I am not great by any means, but there was a time when I was way worse. Even when I thought I was good, I was not. Just before graduating high school I was in the adult leagues. Back in my time there wasn't much to be gained from junior bowling like there is today. There were not any scholorships to win, and no money for sure, that is why I joined adult leagues way before most youth now days. I wanted to win money. Well, during my first couple of years bowling adult leagues my average never really reached over a 185. I was always betting this one gentleman, who was on our team and it seemed that he would always have all the breaks. The pins would fall his way, and of course they wouldn't fall for me even when I was the better bowler. I probably really was a much better bowler than him at the time, it was just the chip on my shoulder wouldn't let me be that bowler. If you go into any competition with the mindset of losing, then you will find a way to lose. I don't know when or what happened but the day that I basically stopped letting the bad breaks get me down was the day that my average went up 20 or so pins. I can't remember if it was before or after this gentleman stopped bowling, but my highest average when betting him week to week was maybe a 188 shortly after he stopped bowling, or shortly after the chip on my should was gone my average went up to a 213. The 213 average was before the bowling funk have you. The day when I woke up and didn't know how to throw a ball. It was maybe like Space Jam when the aliens took all the pro basketball players talent? I of course would never be even close to them in bowling as far as their basketball talent, but it was similar nonetheless.
Point of this blog, I guess, is to not let the little things hinder you from enjoying the moment. Whether it is sports or a simple game of cards with the family, don't sweat the small stuff. Life is too short. You will never be who you want to be if you get wrapped up in how other's are playing the game. This is what is going on with me in poker. Over the last 5 years it has been how everyone else has been luckier than me. The chip on my shoulder is still there as far as poker, but I am trying to kick it. I always have been a winning player, but the day that I can grow and not let the luck boxes get to me is the day that I start winning a ton more. When that day comes, watch out!

MacGyver

An uneventful week really. Did, however find out when my cousin Brandon is going to be in town. Brandon, who is in the marines, is leaving Iraq and visiting us on his leave time next month on May 17th for three days. It is going to be great to see him again, he has never seen Triton except of course in pictures, and I have never met his wife. They are both coming to visit for a bit and then he will be off again.
Oh I guess I can update you on Triton's speech evaluation. Back in December, Triton's doctor suggested that we get him in to speech therapy at age two if he hasn't started spitting out three to five word sentences by that time. He is not quite two yet, but Sheri wanted to get him in early just in case it could help his advancement. We took him in last Tuesday and the first session is all about evaluation and seeing how far along he is or isn't. The lady visited with us and Triton, of course he was preoccupied with the toys that were in the room, she must have been okay with where he was because she said that she wasn't too concerned at this point. She said he was a bit behind, but nothing too drastic and too bring him back in six months to see how he is going then. So, you booger, you have six months to start spitting out new words. Basically one new word a day. She gave us some helpful hints on how to coax him into talking more, so hopefully that will do it.
Onto the MacGyver story. Yesterday, Sheri had a meeting to go to at church before our actual time to go to church. She left and Triton was being a jerk. He is hardly ever fussy when alone with me during the weekdays, and in the past after Sheri has taken care of him on the weekends he would regress and I would have to get him back on track Monday morning. This hasn't happened for quite sometime, and Mondays he has been pretty good. This weekend something must have happened, because Sunday morning he was being a fussy monkey. He is always way more fussy when around his mom, so I was hoping once she left for her meeting that he would settle down. He did not, so I decided to give him some alone time in his room to let him cool off. He is almost climbing out of his crib now, so we have been locking a gate in the door jam. If he climbs out of his crib fine, but his room is upstairs and I don't want him falling down the stairs. He can go downstairs just fine, but waking up all groggy I just don't want to chance it. I put him in his crib, locked the gate in place and decided to slam his door a bit to show him how unhappy I really was with his attitude. As I was shutting his door on top of locking the gate I had a small thought in my head, why am I closing his door? About fifteen minutes passed when I decided to save him from his prison. He stopped crying basically the moment his door shut, but I wanted him to cool off maybe get a short nap in before Sheri took him to church. I returned to open his door and discovered that it locked. I knew that he was in his still in his crib, and that the door must have been locked when I shut it. Triton hasn't yet climbed out of his crib, so there was no way to lure him over to the door to try to unlock it. I wondered if his window was locked, if it was unlocked I would be able to get in that way. I decided to try the old credit card through the door knob trick. I of course didn't use a credit card because the door jam/molding was in the way. I paused and thought of something that might work. I trucked downstairs and looked through my tool box and was delighted to find these small flexible blades that attach to a saw, they are about 14 inches long. I figured they would flex around the molding and I would be able to jimmy the lock and open the door. It wouldn't flex enough so that idea was flushed. I really didn't want to break the door or the handle in order to get in, so I thought of scaling the wall outside to see if his window was indeed unlocked. I decided to seperate the molding from the wall and get to the lock that way, it worked I was able to get the flexible blade in between the molding and the lock, but wasn't able to jimmy it enough. I never panicked, those who know me can believe that I hardly ever panic. Sheri did return home though and after a minute or two started up the stairs. I hurried to the top of the stairs to stop her. She asked what I was doing, and I told her not to worry about it and to go back downstairs. After she started back downstairs I informed her that Triton was locked in his room. I checked the lock on the door downstairs to see how to tackle the situation and found that I was trying to get the lock from the wrong side. For those who don't use a dead bolt on your home, you may want to start. After discovering how simple the problem was, I returned upstairs with a simple compact disc "CD". It literally took 3 seconds to break in after discovering how to attack the lock. Start using your dead bolts in your home, if you don't have one get one! His window was indeed locked so it was a good thing I hadn't tried that.
Even though it really wasn't my fault, I am figuring on catching some crap from family and friends for this one!